10 Commandments for a Happy Marriage
1. Love your spouse unconditionally.
2. Strive to always set a good example
3. Place the welfare of your spouse above your own.
4. Be faithful to your spouse in mind as well as body.
5. Provide for your spouse's needs to the best of your ability.
6. Listen---really listen--- to what your spouse has to say.
7. Make all important decisions together.
8. Work to overcome undesirable traits in your own behavior.
9. Continually seek ways to become a better husband or wife and parent.
10. Treat your spouse the way you want to be treated.
Can you imagine what would happen to the soaring divorce rate if even half of the married couples who seek a divorce in this country every year followed all or most of the commandments listed above?
Like the original ten commandments of the Bible, not all of them are easy to keep, but they are a goal to strive for, and the closer we come to living the life they advocate, the happier we will be.
In the same way, the ten commandments of marriage listed above are a guide to a happier married life. With more than a million divorces a year in the United States, alone, it is past time to see if some of those marriages could be saved.
Maybe you have a reasonably happy marriage and are thinking, “Thanks, but no thanks. My marriage is just fine the way it is.”
If that’s true, you are a rarity, and I congratulate you. Most couples I know, if they are honest about it, can find one or several of the goals listed above that they could use a little work on. The first one, for example.
Does each of us really love our mate unconditionally? Sure, when everything is going the way we want it to and there has been little or no friction for a while, it is easy to say, “Sure, I love my wife/husband unconditionally.” But suppose they walked in just now and admitted they had spent the rent money on lottery tickets? Wouldn’t you be tempted to give them the cold shoulder---if not worse---for a while? I know I would. That first commandment doesn’t say you won’t disagree with your mate, or even have some unpleasant discussions. It says you are still to love the erring party, no matter what.
The 4th commandment above warns us to be faithful to our spouses not only in body, but also in mind. Most physical affairs do start with the mind as two people connect emotionally with someone outside of their marriage. They start spending a lot of time sharing with each other, often over what only seems to be an innocent cup of coffee, and sadly, a deeper involvement follows.
Number 7 tells us to take our spouse’s opinions into consideration. It is extremely hurtful for one or the other person in a marriage to express strong opinions against purchasing a particular item, only to have the other party go out and buy it anyway. If you can’t agree on one item, why not compromise and buy something you both agree on? There aren’t too many situations in life that don’t have some alternate choices.
I love number 8, as long as it applies to my spouse. When I turn around and apply it to myself, that’s a different story. None of us enjoys working on our own bad habits, but it extremely important in maintaining a happy marriage.
Were you sober, cheerful, considerate, and in reasonably good shape when you married? Then try to stay that way. Why should your mate who married the person described above enjoy being married to a fat slob who has taken to drinking, constant nagging and complaining, and who only cares about himself or herself?
The rest of the commandments for marriage are just as important if you want to have a happy one. Study each of them and put them into action in your own life and see if your marriage, even an already happy one, doesn’t get even happier.
(The above article is one of 28 articles on marriage and divorce from my e-book, Make Your Marriage Last a Lifetime. Click the image below to find out more about the book.
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Has Divorce Become An Epidemic?
If you’ve been happily married for a number of years, count yourself fortunate. If you check out the marriages of most of the people you know, you’ll probably find that a large number of them have already ended in divorce.
Unfortunately, those who have been through a divorce and decide to remarry have an even higher percentage of divorces among their number.
Marriage counselors are calling divorce an epidemic. With nearly have of all marriages ending in divorce, it seems that way. True epidemics are difficult to stop, and the two weapons most effective against them are a cure, and/or a preventative measure.
Since people change and since there will always be people who are determined to end a marriage, regardless of what their partner wants, a cure for divorce is not likely to ever be found, but perhaps we can discover something that will help prevent enough of these divorces to make a real difference.
Actually, there are already several preventative measures we can take against divorce---we just need to let people know they are available and convince them to use them before divorce rears its ugly head.
1. Teach young people that marriage vows are meant to be taken seriously.
With so much attention being given to choosing just the right place for the wedding, making sure all the colors match, picking the perfect music, etc., is it any wonder that by the time the wedding actually takes place, they participants are too stressed out to really listen to what they are making a promise to live with this man or woman for the rest of their lives.
We live in a time when almost everything is disposable. If things don’t go the way the bride or groom expected them to go before they married, it is hardly any trouble at all these days to dispose of the marriage and try again with someone new.
2. Teach young people that marriage is about more than sexual attraction to each other.
A meeting or two with the pastor before a marriage takes place is hardly sufficient to prepare a young person for some of the problems that face every young married couple.
They are usually willing to spend a lot of time planning the wedding. Why not spend at least as much time planning the life that follows that wedding?
If possible, have the couple attend a good class on marriage together. If that is impracticable, use a good marriage manual. They are available at any good bookstore.
This preparation should encourage the couple to work out a thorough budget, one that covers every possible expense they can imagine. Most young people haven’t the faintest idea of how to do this, especially when it comes to allocating money for unexpected expenses.
Questionnaires where the two list their preferences for everything from food to vacations can save a lot of arguments later on. Most young people, even those who have been dating for quite a while are surprised to find out how little they really know about their future mate.
A good class should also cover things like birth control, time-frame expectations for having babies, buying a home, traveling, etc.
3. Make sure the couple knows where to go for outside help if problems arise that they can’t solve.
One of the biggest mistakes young couples make when they encounter problems in their marriage is to think, “Oh, this marriage was a big mistake. We need to get a divorce.”
Tell them ahead of time that marriage isn’t always easy. Life isn’t easy all the time, either, but most of us manage to survive for quite a while. Their marriage can survive, too, and, if they can’t seem to figure out what needs to be done, they shouldn’t hesitate to get professional help. Someone outside the situation can often see it better than those who are actually involved, because the outsider’s views aren’t colored by his own feelings about what has happened.
Yes, it does seem as if divorce has reached epidemic proportions in this country, but we CAN do something about it. If you know someone who is getting married soon, do your part to inoculate him or her against divorce. If they have already married and it is plain they are heading for divorce, you can still help by recommending that they get professional help.
Who knows, you may help save their marriage.
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Is There a Chance for aRelationship That's Already Split Up?
Obviously right now you are serious about saving or rekindling your relationship, which is what led you to this article in the first place. But if you are feeling overly anxious to get your ex back, you may be behaving in the wrong way, causing your ex to pull away naturally. It is human nature in general to resist this kind of pressure. Struggling against human nature is completely pointless, and it will only make matters worse.
Are you calling your ex too much, constantly writing him e-mails or text messaging him? Are you trying to make him feel sorry for you? If you are doing these things, stop! If you are asking yourself " What can I do to get my ex boyfriend back", then you need to stop doing these things right now.
So What can I do to get my ex boyfriend back? Follow this strategy instead.
You are going to need to take a completely fresh approach. Begin by breaking contact off for a while, doing your own thing. During this time where there is no communication between you and your ex boyfriend, you can focus on ways that you can improve your own personal life, rather than focusing on the relationship issues at hand. This is going to be a challenging time, and it is going to require discipline to prevent you from returning to your old ways.
During this time, your ex is going to experience a shift in how he feels about you, since you will no longer be pursuing him. You may become mysterious to him in some ways, because he is not sure what you are doing or feeling. This is actually something that can work in your favor. Now your ex is in a position to actually miss you, which is not possible when you are smothering him.
You must remember that the key to this strategy and repairing a break up is to work with human nature rather than attempting to work against it. If you are wondering " What can I do to get my ex boyfriend back", now you should have a fairly basic understanding on how common mistakes can be avoided. Once you implement this basic strategy you can restore a balance and allow your ex to remember why he loved you in the first place.
Just keep yourself grounded and avoid smothering him. Make yourself appear mysterious and he will be reminded why he loved you in the first place. Play hard to get, but don't over do it, and let him make the first move, and you will come out on top. And then you will stop asking "What can I do to get my ex boyfriend back"
***For more detailed information on this subject, check out, The Magic of Making Up You'll be glad you did.
